Jem Crockett Promotions, Week 1

In Jem Crockett Promotions, I attempt to run Jim Crockett Promotions as Jem, international pop star.

Our first order of business is to renew the contracts of Ricky Steamboat and Terry Funk. Ricky is willing to renew with us, but…

Fuck. I guess Funk is gone.

Next up is a look at our feuds. We’ve currently got a Magnum TA vs Wahoo McDaniel feud for the US title, and a Paul Jones vs Charlie Brown From Outta Town feud featuring Superstar Billy Graham, The Barbarian, and Manny Fernandez. However, we don’t have a feud for our reigning world champion Ric Flair. Given that Terry Funk is leaving when his contract expires, he’s good for a few title defenses, but we’ll need a long term program for Flair. Our only heel main eventers(to face our face champ Flair, we could have a face vs face program, but if we eventually choose to turn Flair heel we don’t want to have given away those matchups) are Dory Funk Jr. and Superstar Billy Graham, who is already involved in the Charlie Brown From Outta Town feud. We could also hire an outside worker to face Flair and bolster our heel roster.

Note: Bringing in Savage, Bockwinkel, Abdullah, or Brody would run the risk of us running a show on a night when they are unavailable, as they are employed on a PPA basis by one or more other companies.

We also have no feud for our NWA TV Champion Tully Blanchard. This is a more straightforward choice between Ole Anderson and Ricky Steamboat.

Both polls will end next week, or whenever it’s convenient for me.

Our first week of TV:

Billy Graham will be out of action for 27 days with a Dislocated hip.

Elsewhere in the world:



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Cold Cases: Lie To Me – Introduction

Lie To Me premiered on Fox on January 21, 2009, to a viewing public of approximately 12 million viewers. By the season’s end, that figure had declined to approximately eight and a half million. This certainly isn’t new for TV, but the decline usually slows down, going from a hemorrhage to a trickle. That didn’t happen in this instance. By season 2’s end, that figure had dropped to approximately five million. But in its third season, the show turned around, and by the end of the season, it drew approximately seven million viewers. This is not one of the great triumphs of television. This is the Bad News Bears, crashing and burning, and trying to work its way back up only to be told it’s still not enough. On May 10, 2011, Lie To Me was officially cancelled. In the premiere of Cold Cases, I’ll go over the first half of Season 1, 6 episodes of a 13-episode season, and look at how this series introduced itself to the world. In later entries, I’ll track how the series’s approach to its premise and characters changed over the course of its run.

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Rock And Roll Dracula High School

We all know about the 1979 Roger Corman classic Rock And Roll High School starring The Ramones and Clint Howard. But what if that high school… was the popular children’s doll series Monster High?

I think it’d go a little something…. like this.

Y’know, Bobby, Bert, Brumpo, when we came to this high school I thought we were in for the fright of our lives. But it turns out, being a Dracula or a Frankenstein or an Abominable Snowwoman is one of the most punk things you can be. So let’s play this prom, and play it so punkly that all other high schools, Dracula, non-Dracula, partially Dracula, whatever, will be talking about it for the next 6 months at least!


CUT TO Monster High Prom. The Ramoans are on stage playing “Rock And Roll Dracula High School”, the theme for this episode and/or original DTV movie. Everyone is dancing in their various monstery ways. The one that’s a zombie is doing the Thriller dance.

The school is full of mystery
Rock and roll Dracula High School
And that’s just where I wanna be
Rock and roll Dracula High School
Yeah, we’re gonna get some chills
Yeah, we’re gonna get some thrills
Rock and roll Dracula High School

Clint Howard is offering someone ice cream. It has an eyeball in it.


Well the girls out here freak me out, you know
Rock and roll Dracula High School
One drives around in a hearse, you know
Rock and roll Dracula High School
Haven’t seen the teachers or the principal
Man, this is one freaky school
Rock and roll Dracula High School

We see Roger Corman dancing. He winks at the camera.


Fun fun, Dracula high school
Fun fun, Dracula high school
Fun fun, Dracula high school
Fun fun, oh baby

Please someone pay me money to make this exist, thank you.

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Comics Sale – NOW WITH DVDS

I’ve got a lot of comics, and I’d like to sell a few of them off. If you’re interested in any of the offers below, hit me up at @nieljacoby on twitter. All prices include shipping. I will also send pics of the items on request, of course.

The Rocketeer Adventure Magazine(full run, #1 and #2, good condition): $15

Tomb Of Dracula #45(Marvel Value Stamp clipped out: $8

V For Vendetta(full run, 1988 DC reprints): $25

DC And Marvel Present: The Uncanny X-Men And The New Teen Titans(binding somewhat loose, but condition otherwise good): $13

What If #27: What If Phoenix Had Not Died?: $15

Miracleman #1-3, 5: $18 as a bundle

Miracleman #14(right before THAT ISSUE): $15

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles(origin story reprint graphic novel by First Comics from 1986): $20

GI Joe: A Real American Hero #1(cover slightly loose): $18

Matt Wagner’s Grendel(Full run, #1-#40, great condition): $70 or best offer

Dark Horse Presents Fifth Anniversary Special(First appearance of Sin City): $25 or best offer

The Discworld Graphic Novels(comics adaptation of The Colour Of Magic and The Light Fantastic): $10

Arkham Asylum: A Serious House On Serious Earth: 15th Anniversary Edition: fuck it, just make an offer, I’m never gonna read it again.

The Invincible Iron Man: Volume 7: My Monsters(has that one annual with The Mandarin that’s real good, also no slipcover): $10

Green Arrow: The Longbow Hunters(Full Prestige miniseries): $10

Crying Freeman: Volume 1(Prestige Format 8-issue reprint of some bonkers Kazuo Koike comics): $20 or best offer

Taboo Bundle(#2, 3 and 5, includes early installments of From Hell and Lost Girls): $25 or best offer)

The Shadow: Blood And Judgement TPB(Original 1986 DC printing, decent condition): $13

Black Orchid(Full prestige mini, early Neil Gaiman DC work): $12

Swamp Thing #76-87(by Rick Veitch and assorted artists): $25 or best offer

Swamp Thing #88-109(by Doug Wheeler and assorted artists): $35 or best offer

Swamp Thing #111-120, Annual #6(By Nancy A. Collins and assorted artists): $15 or best offer

Manhattan Projects #1-11, 13(slightly damaged cover on #1(third printing), otherwise pristine): $20 or best offer

Daredevil #1-7,9-10,12,14-34(Mark Waid series, all first printing non-variants): $45 or best offer

Captain America Annual #8(great condition): $35 or best offer

Longshot(all 6 issues of the Nocenti/Adams miniseries): $15 or best offer

The ‘Nam Issues #1-17: $20 or best offer

A Portal Into The Bizarre: 3 random Beautiful Stories For Ugly Children issues: $10

Dial-A-Comic: Get a random selection of 4 comics from my collection: $10

Dial-A-Comic 2: This Time It’s More: 8 random comics from my collection: $15

DVDS(prices include shipping):

UNFORGIVEN 2006(John Cena/Edge in a TLC Match): $6

MONEY IN THE BANK 2011(CM Punk/John Cena in a ***** match, all-time great card): $9

EXTREME RULES 2012(John Cena/Brock Lesnar in an Extreme Rules match, also a very good card): $8

10 YEARS OF SMACKDOWN Box Set(counts down top 100 moments in Smackdown history, includes some full matches): $13

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My top 10 Marvel Covers of All Time

Off the top of my head, in the closest thing to a ranking I can figure.

10 New Mutants Issue 20

Bill Sienkiewicz, New Mutants Issue 20

9 Daredevil Issue 219

Frank Miller, Daredevil 219

8 New X-Men issue 132

Frank Quitely, New X-Men Issue 132

7 2001 A Space Odyssey Issue 1

Jack Kirby, 2001 A Space Odyssey Issue 1

6 Truth Issue 5

Kyle Baker, Truth Issue 5

5 Elektra Assassin Issue 7

Bill Sienkiewicz, Elektra Assassin Issue 7

4 Amazing Spider-Man Issue 33

Steve Ditko, Amazing Spider-Man Issue 33

3 Nick Fury, Agent Of SHIELD Issue 5

Jim Steranko, Nick Fury, Agent Of SHIELD issue 5

2 Daredevil Issue 182

Frank Miller, Daredevil 182

1  Fantastic Four Issue 49

Jack Kirby, Fantastic Four Issue 49

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OOOH LA DI DA, I READ A COMIC BOOK: Batman Vol. 1: The Court of Owls

I had heard a lot about how great this was, and from his work on American Vampire, and most of his Detective Comics run, I was inclined to believe it. The actual experience was a little disappointing.

The story is at least a little hampered by having to be an introduction to the new Batman status quo, as well as the introduction to a new set of villains. It’s actually kind of slow-moving for a book that can be breezed through in the better part of an hour if you aren’t in a hurry. Snyder introduces an interesting take on Bruce Wayne’s role in improving Gotham, making him as active in improving the city as Batman is in saving it from destruction. The main problem for me is the new group of villains introduced, the Court of Owls. Owls, at least as a totem to base the entire visual design of your ancient conspiracy on, aren’t quite as… intimidating as Snyder wants them to be, which leads to some overcompensation regarding the power of the Owls as a group, leading to the revelation that the Court of Owls has basically controlled Gotham since its formation. There’a also a sharp contrast between the somewhat grounded tone of Snyder’s writing and the men in owl suits who are the evil masterminds behind what is perhaps the DCU’s biggest and most economicially important city, which kind of threw me off. Oh, and there’s a nursery rhyme about them. Not exactly the best way to keep your vast murderous conspiracy under wraps.

This whole business with the Owls really draws comparisons to the more recent parts of Grant Morrison’s run on the Batman titles, as artistically bipolar and scattered as it may be. It’s especially reminiscent of the endgame of the Batman and Robin section of his Bat-epic, where it’s revealed that Dr. Hurt, with the aid of Darkseid, has similarly futzed around with history, and specifically Gotham history. This, combined with the recent Batman Inc’s Leviathan conspiracy, makes it almost impossible to keep from comparing Snyder’s stories to Morrison’s, and Snyder definitely is on the wrong side of that seesaw. Of course, it’s a little cruel to compare a person who’s been a powerhouse since at least the late Eighties, with his groundbreaking Doom Patrol and Animal Man runs, to someone whose first published comics work was just about 3 years ago; but given the similarities in their current Batman stories, it’s pretty much impossible not to. You’d have to be… I’d almost make a “blind as a bat” pun here, but it would most likely offend both the blind and those with a workins sense of humor.

But it’s not all unoriginal and clumsy, as Greg Capullo’s astoundingly expressive art would make him one of the major artistic breakout stars of the DC relaunch… if he hadn’t had a long career working with Todd McFarlane on Spawn, who just happens to be a dark, brooding character dressed all in black with a long, flowing cape and a deliberately frightening appearance. But nevermind that he seems to have taken a crash course in drawing a pitch-perfect Caped Crusader,Capullo’s art is still astounding. It’s really great at creating a creepy, paranoid atmosphere as well as making conversation scenes interesting with his mastery of facial expressions, whether it’s a playful, Groucho-Marxian Commissioner Gordon or a half-crazed Batman. And FCO’s coloring is bleak when it’s necessary, but never muddy or ugly. More comics should have art and coloring like this. The lettering is… not spine-shattering, but still readable and doesn’t interfere too much with the mood, and it really says something about how bad the lettering in mainstream comics can be that that’s what makes for a compliment. This is not the worst Batman comic you could buy. This is not even the worst Batman comic coming out now. In fact, it’s probably the second best, after Morrison’s Batman Incorporated. But for me, second best just isn’t good enough.

Oh, and that part in issue 6 where the comic pretty much turns upside down in the span of a few pages? That’s some amazing stuff. Seriously great.

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Battleship Sinks

I guess you could say it was… Taylor-made to fail.

I guess you could say… it got pegged.

I guess… it stunk its battleship.

I guess it’s just another victim… of movie piracy.

I guess it was a real… piece of ship.

I guess… they didn’t know what to do with a drunken sailor.

I guess audiences just aren’t interested in… naval gazing.

I guess nobody wanted to… sea it.

I guess you could say it was… savagely pummeled in a car by its R&B superstar boyfriend.

I guess they hit… the poop deck.

I guess… making a movie out a board game was a stupid fucking idea.

I guess these puns have made me… seasick.

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