A few things from the DC Collections Solicits for August

TEEN TITANS VOL. 1: IT’S OUR RIGHT TO FIGHT TP
Written by SCOTT LOBDELL
Art by BRETT BOOTH and NORM RAPMUND
Cover by BRETT BOOTH
On sale SEPTEMBER 5 • 168 pg, FC, $14.99 US
• SCOTT LOBDELL and BRETT BOOTH usher in a new era for the TEEN TITANS!
• Meet a new TITANS team, including new members SKITTER and BUNKER!
• Collecting TEEN TITANS #1-7!

If that’s how you’re going to commemorate Adam Yauch’s passing, you shouldn’t even have bothered.

LEGENDS OF THE DARK KNIGHT: ALAN DAVIS HC
Written by MIKE W. BARR and others
Art by ALAN DAVIS, PAUL NEARY and MARK FARMER
Cover by ALAN DAVIS
On sale OCTOBER 10 • 272 pg, FC, $39.99 US
• Batman stories from legendary artist ALAN DAVIS collected at last!
• Collects DETECTIVE COMICS #569-575, BATMAN: FULL CIRCLE #1 and a story from BATMAN: GOTHAM KNIGHTS #25.

This one’s got the one where Batman teams up with Ralph Dibny and Slam Bradley to find Sherlock Holmes, so that’s cool.

LOBO: PORTRAIT OF A BASTICH TP NEW PRINTING
Written by KEITH GIFFEN and ALAN GRANT
Art by CHRISTIAN ALAMY, SAM KIETH and SIMON BISLEY
Cover by SIMON BISLEY
On sale SEPTEMBER 26 • 208 pg, FC, $19.99 US •
Don’t miss a new edition of the title collecting the LOBO and LOBO’S BACK miniseries! First, Lobo is sent to capture a teacher who makes life miserable for him. Then, Lobo takes on the most dangerous being in the universe – and is promptly killed and reincarnated as an angry woman!

Keith Giffen and Lobo is always a winning proposition, and this has Sam Keith art.

PRINCE OF CATS TP
Written by RONALD WIMBERLY
Art and cover by RONALD WIMBERLY
On sale SEPTEMBER 5 • 144 pg, FC, $16.99 US • MATURE READERS
This hip-hop retelling of William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet focuses on Tybalt (derisively referred to as “the Prince of Cats”) and his Capulet crew as they do battle nightly with the hated Montagues. Set in a Blade Runner-esque version of Brooklyn, PRINCE OF CATS is a mix of urban drama, samurai action and classic Shakespearean theater…all written in iambic pentameter!
Don’t miss this original graphic novel written and illustrated by Ronald Wimberly (SENTENCES: THE LIFE OF M.F. GRIMM)!

This will either be mad fun or mad dumb. Either way, it will look nice.

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THE SANDMAN SLIPCASE SET
Written by NEIL GAIMAN
Art by VARIOUS
Cover by DAVE McKEAN
On sale NOVEMBER 7 • FC, 3.375″ w x 10.3125″ h x 6.75″ d • $199.99 US • MATURE READERS
Retailers: A version of this slipcase containing only THE SANDMAN VOL . 10: THE WAKE TP NEW EDITION will be made available at a later date.
This beautiful slipcase set includes all ten individual trade paperback volumes of Neil Gaiman’s seminal, award-winning fantasy series.
This set features the entire New York Times best-selling graphic novel series featuring painstakingly recolored pages for the Absolute Editions, plus box art by Dave McKean.

I don’t get quite what they mean with the edition containing only volume 10. Is it just an empty slipcase with Vol. 10 in it? Is it a Vol. 10 with its own slipcase to go with your slipcase? Is that slipcase designed to fit into the original slipcase? Was it designed by Xzibit?

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Who Knows What DC Comics Lurk In The Heart of August 2012?

The Nerdcenaries know, because that feature is a Nerdcenaries feature now.

But, just so this blog doesn’t get left in the cold:

You know what I hate? The entire existence of Before Watchmen, but other than that, the fact that the only information given is one line of what is presumably dialogue in the comic. No information, no description, nothing.

That and the fact that there’s a Jim Steranko variant for Rorschach #1 that I need to see because it’s Steranko.

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SNES9X

I have to say, this is by far my favorite Retsupurae video. Maybe it’s just how the repetition just keeps going on until it goes from irritating to hilarious, Mr. Tarkanian-style, or the way Slowbeef just breaks around three-fourths of the way through, but it’s just the kind of thing that just hits me right every time. The John Stuart Mill essay isn’t bad either.

Mr. Tarkanian:

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Avengers Spoilers! (as written by a dude who has not seen the Avengers)

My brother recently saw Marvel’s Tyler Perry’s The Avengers, and he related to me the spoilers below. Do not read if you are not interested in spoilers.

  • As has been said in most reviews of the Avengers, the movie does indeed begin slowly. This is due to the large amount of time spent literally recapping the previous Avengers movies, in what is perhaps the second-largest “Previously On…” segment ever to appear in film. The record is still held by the 10-hour-plus beginning sequence of the as-yet-unreleased St. Elsewhere movie, wherein all the television shows that have been said to tie into the reality of St. Elsewhere over the years are recapped.
  • Agent Phil Coulson dies. He dies at least 3 times throughout the film, though none of the deaths are ever acknowledged by the other characters.
  • Yes, Pulp Fiction is referenced multiple times, most notably in the mid-film sequence where Iron Man accidentally shoots Agent Coulson in the head in his car, completely vaporizing Coulson’s head. Nobody seems to notice.
  • Much ado has been made about the first ending sequence, wherein Thanos is revealed as a possible villain for the second Avengers movie. However, there seems to be much less chatter about the second, America-only ending sequence, wherein The Avengers dine in a burger joint, which is then held up by Tim Roth and Amanda Plummer.
  • Stan Lee does indeed cameo in the film, during the comedic sequence where the Avengers host a pool party/recruitment drive. He tries out twice, both as one of the lesser-known heroes from his short-lived reality show Who Wants To Be A Superhero? and as Nightcat, the singer/superheroine whose comic book tie-in he wrote in the mid-nineties. He is rejected both times, but as Nightcat, he gets Tony Stark’s number. And for good reason, as he reportedly fills out the catsuit well. Very well.
  • During the aforementioned recruitment drive/pool party, there is a scene where a prospective hero dives into the pool, splashing the Avengers, who then lift their clipboards, having written numbers on them. The hero gets an average score of 6.5.
  • Other heroes introduced in the pool party scene: Doctor Strange(Benedict Cumberbatch, rebuffed by Tony Stark, who says “Well, we don’t need you right now, but if this were any other team, *turns to camera* you’d be a sure lock, homes.“), D-Man(Patrick Warburton), Wonder Man(Tom Cruise), Man-Thing(Ron Perlman; Sample dialogue: “And your powers?” *Man-Thing points to crotch* “Giant-Size.”), The Waffler(Daniel Tosh).
  • Final line: Cumberbatch’s Stephen Strange in the rubble of NYC. “Defenders… ASSEMBLE!” Caption: Stephen Strange will be back in… Wes Anderson’s Defenders!
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Things I Have Enjoyed This Week

I am “currently”(in the sense that I have been reading it recently, but not at this exact moment) reading Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman, after hearing the Adam Warrock song “Chuck Klosterman” and thinking “Hey that sounds interesting, maybe I should see if the library has it.” Note that this type of sentiment has not pushed me to get any further in A Game Of Thrones than I got over winter vacation or start on the Ta-Nehesi Coates articles page I have in another tab at this very moment, and I feel kind of bad about that.

On the book tip, I have a Flashpoint hardcover from the library I have not gotten to live-tweeting yet, as well as a Jeph Loeb comic I have not gotten around to live-tweeting yet. Maybe Saturday.

I have been loving the new season of Eagleheart. It is just so good.

The idea of mashing up The Roots’ “75 Bars(Black’s Reconstruction)” and “96 Tears” by ? And The Mysterians and calling it “75 Tears” by ?uestlove and the Mysterians has been bouncing around my head lately.

I need to listen to more Missy Elliot.

Also enjoyed this week: Grandville by Bryan Talbot, which was a fun story and had zeppelins and steam-powered opium dens and talking animals being racist towards humans, but just kind of struck me wrong with the art, which just kind of didn’t look right in that way that Brian Bolland pictures can sometimes look not quite right. That Missy Elliot video on the bottom above this paragraph kind of felt the same way, in that it looked a little too computery to really mix well, but with the Missy video, the chunks really add to the creepy vibe, whereas with this it just doesn’t quite match up, but not to such a degree that it doesn’t read comprehensibly.

I read a few older Swamp Things, that Rick Veitch period before he got kicked off. I am liking them.

Free Comic Book Day is in the air, and I am pumped.

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Who Knows What Marvel/Icon Comics Lurk In The Heart of July 2012? I Know, For I Have These Solicits! Let Me Show You Them.

Let’s do this.

Avx: Vs #4 (of 6)
RICK REMENDER & KAARE ANDREWS (w)
BRANDON PETERSON & KAARE ANDREWS (a)
COVER BY BRANDON PETERSON
FIGHT POSTER VARIANT ALSO AVAILABLE
• THE PREMIERE AVENGERS VS. X-MEN TIE-IN! Two incredible fights every issue, torn from the pages of AvX.
• Daredevil vs. Psylocke! By Rick Remender (UNCANNY X-FORCE) and Brandon Peterson (NEW AVENGERS, UNCANNY X-MEN)
• Thor vs. [CLASSIFIED] by Kaare Andrews (ULTIMATE COMICS covers, SPIDER-MAN: REIGN)!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

I like Rick Remender, I like Daredevil, and I even kind of like Psylocke. But damn, Brandon Peterson is one dude who I just cannot get with. It just strikes me as less “look at this story, doesn’t this art tell a story well?” and more “look what I can do with my computer!” It’s kind of a Yngwie Malmsteen thing, where it’s all flash(and not entirely good-looking flash), not much substance. And the Kaare Andrews thing… I have seen good Kaare Andrews(X-Men: Xenogenesis(I might have that title wrong, but it’s the one where they go to Africa that was written by Warren Ellis)) and I have seen bad Kaare Andrews(pretty much all of his covers for Ultimate Spider-Man). From all I have seen of that dude, I have not much in the way of interest in the dude writing and drawing a fight between Thor and a pile of veiny dildos(As I automatically assume all redacted elements on covers are, to my endless dissapointment) that looks suspiciously like Magik or some other teen-aged magic user.

AVENGERS VS X-MEN #7 & 8 (of 12)
Issue #7 – MATT FRACTION (w) • OLIVIER COIPEL (a)
Issue #8 – BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS (W) • ADAM KUBERT (a)
CoverS by JIM CHEUNG
A WHOLE BUNCH OF FUCKING VARIANT COVERS
Issue #7 –
• Cyclops changes the game with these three words: “No More Avengers!”
Issue #8 –
• Last stand in Wakanda as an out-of-control Namor invades this sovereign nation in pursuit
of the Avengers!
• And a shocking truth stands revealed that may cause fractures in the X-Men’s alliance!
32 PGS. (EACH)/Rated T+ …$3.99 (EACH)

A: Wow, they are really making the X-men out to be the bad guys here, which might be playing into Cyclops’ Extinction Team plan?

B: I seriously hope that first story is just Cyclops walking around with his fingers in his ears going “LA-LA-LALA-LA, NO MORE AVENGERS!” in a sing-songy voice while the Avengers get progressively more annoyed.

AVENGERS #28
BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS (w) • WALT SIMONSON (a/c)
AVX TIE-IN!
• The last stand of the Red Hulk…?
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

That’s really the only reaction that makes sense here, unless you really like the Red Hulk or something. Are you an exchange student from Bizarro World? Sorry, that was being insensitive. Are you not an exchange teacher not from Zibarro Planet?(eat a dick if my Bizarro Language isn’t a lot shaky)

AVENGERS ACADEMY #33
CHRISTOS GAGE (W)
TIMOTHY GREEN II (A)
COVER BY GIUSEPPE CAMUNCOLI
• AVENGERS VS. X-MEN TIE-IN!
• When the X-Men come for the school’s Sentinel, who will take a stand?
32PGS./Rated T …$2.99

Uhh, spoilers? Though it is hard to black out the majority of your cover without me automatically assuming the best worst. I definitely meant worst.

NEW AVENGERS #28
BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS (W)
MIKE DEODATO (A&C)
• AVENGERS VS. X-MEN TIE-IN!
• Prison break: Avengers style!
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

“Hawkeye, you shoot the title! Mockingbird, you punch and kick the staples so he won’t be able to sell this on Ebay! I’ll grab his arm so he has no choice but to buy this comic, because there’s no good reason to do so if you’re not at risk of having your arm broken by a tiny Luke Cage!”

Also, that is apparently how Avengers break out of prison, by attacking invisible things and coming right at you in Smellomatic 4D!

X-MEN LEGACY #270
CHRISTOS GAGE (w) • DAVID BALDEON (a)
Cover by MARK BROOKS
AVX TIE-IN!
• Rogue vs. Ms. Marvel!
• By the end of this issue, one of these women will change their allegiance.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

Because it’s not like the Rogue/Ms. Marvel fight isn’t already played out. Also, nice job with the punctuation there, Droopy Dog. “By the end of this issue, one of these women will change their alliance. It will be a star-studded spectacular for the ages. Your pants will be frozen in place, because they will have hardened into a statue because of all the multiple orgasms this comic will give you. Yaaaaay. I am excited.”

UNCANNY X-MEN #15 & 16
KIERON GILLEN (w) • DANIEL ACUÑA (a&C)
AVX TIE-INS!
• We can’t say much or we spoil the event of the summer!
• The X-Men move against the forces of SINISTER!
32 PGS. (EACH)/Rated T+ …$3.99 (EACH)

I love Daniel Acuna, but I don’t love him 4 dollars worth. I like Kieron Gillen, but still, not 4 dollars worth.

WOLVERINE & THE X-MEN #13
JASON AARON (w) • NICK BRADSHAW (a&C)
AVX TIE-IN!
• Gladiator & the Shi’Ar Death Commandos take on the Phoenix!
• The secret history of Warbird!
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

Oh, wow. The secret history of Warbird. The story simply everyone demanded.

WOLVERINE AND THE X-MEN #14
JASON AARON (w) • JORGE MOLINA (a)
Cover by NICK BRADSHAW
AVX TIE-IN!
• We can’t say much or we spoil the event of the summer!
• Kitty Pryde on a date with…???
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

This looks like a cover from the Daily Bugle’s staunchly anti-mutant tabloid spinoff.

“MUTIE ENQUIRER SPECIAL EDITION: “I MARRIED THE DILDO MONSTER!”

“What kind of flowers did he give her? Were they evil mutie dildo flowers? Did they play… *choke* Dungeons and Dragons?

I swear to god, this “oh shit, we can’t show you the whole cover, we haven’t given enough bullshit press releases and stupid-ass web teasers to properly elongate the whole tension here!” bullshit is so much funnier when you imagine the obscured elements of the cover being made of dildos.

Secret Avengers #29
RICK REMENDER (w) • GABRIEL HARDMAN (A)
Cover by ARTHUR ADAMS
• To prevent a death the Secret Avengers must risk starting a war!
• A secret romance heats up!
• A rivalry between two members threatens to jeopardize the mission!
• Will Hawkeye discover he has a spy on his team in time to prevent tragedy?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

Uh, Black Widow, I’m pretty sure that’s not how you were trained to parachute into a dropzone. Pretty sure it’s a really dumb way to do so.

Although, I don’t see a parachute, so maybe you’re just about to land on your face at terminal velocity.

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE #5
Brian Michael Bendis (w) • Mark Bagley (a&C)
• The secret behind Avengers Assemble is revealed but what does it mean for
the future of the Marvel Universe?
• PLUS: The return of the characters you demanded!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

Behold, the blandest solicit text ever. Also, I don’t remember anybody demanding Black Widow enough to keep her solo series afloat. Same with Hawkeye. Unless these “characters you demanded” are… pretty much anyone other than Hawkeye and the Black Widow, I think you’re off the mark. Speaking of off the mark, Hawkeye recently had a new ongoing announced, and Black Widow is in the Avengers movie, so what do I know about what the nebulous “you” demand?

DARK AVENGERS #177 & 178
JEFF PARKER (w)
DECLAN SHALVEY & KEV WALKER (a)
Cover by JOHN TYLER CHRISTOPHER• Luke Cage learns the secret behind the deadly mission that faces the Dark Avengers!
• The TimeStream-TravelingThunderbolts battle Dr. Doom in the past for the fate of the future!
• Skaar discovers the secret agenda of the Dark Avengers!
32 PGS. (EACH)/Rated T+ …$2.99 (EACH)

God, I don’t want to rag too much on John Tyler Christopher, because he is a hometown guy, and that is exactly the same reason I got Chinese Democracy from the library(Actually, Chinese Democracy was more for Buckethead than Axl, but you get my point), but damn, that is just bland as hell, and combined with the “Ohh, you are sexing me quite well, I have not been sexed like that nearly often enough” face placed squarely in the foreground, this is just not good. I really need to get caught up on this.

ULTIMATE COMICS SPIDER-MAN #12
BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS (w)
DAVID MARQUEZ (a)
Cover by JORGE MOLINA
• One of the best reviewed comics in the world continues!
• Miles must choose between battling his uncle turned crime lord or joining him to keep his family safe!
• What path will Miles take?!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

Hey, this cover does not make me want to immediately look away, lest I be terrorized by the horrific sight of the Lovecraftian Deep-Dweller whose sleeping ground marks the lowest low point of the Uncanny Valley, but I do notice that Prowler’s right arm looks like a little baby arm that someone stuck into the socket of the torso of a presumably adult man who buys his Deadpool masks from the shady guy at the flea market who also sells Genuine Ironic Man Repulsive Rays 5 for a buck.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #689
DAN SLOTT (w) • GIUSEPPE CAMUNCOLI (a&C)
LIZARD VARIANT by J. Scott Campbell
• Spider-Man, Peter Parker, Curt Connors, and the Lizard. The stars of this summer’s big blockbuster movie are right here!
• Morbius the Living Vampire is on the loose and no one at Horizon Labs is safe-including a recently cured Curt Connors.
• But if Curt Connors is cured, who or what is that new Lizard creature? It’s definitely someone Spider-Man knows…
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #690
DAN SLOTT (w) • GIUSEPPE CAMUNCOLI (a&C)
LIZARD VARIANT by Matthew Clark
• There might be more than one Lizard now…
• And Spider-Man might notice– if only he wasn’t so busy trying to save
everyone from a crazed Morbius, the Living Vampire!
• Also in this issue: New developments for The Kingpin, Madame Web,
Horizon Labs, and the Hobgoblin!
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

Oh, look! It’s an artist I like! And a writer I like! Doing a comic featuring a character I like! And 2 villains I think are underused but have potential! Wait, these 2 issues are coming out in the same month? And they’re 4 bucks each? Fuck that, it’s the trade for me!

AVENGING SPIDER-MAN #9
KELLY SUE DECONNICK (w) • TERRY DODSON (a&C)
• Spider-Man plummets into action with the star of this month’s hottest new comic: the all new CAPTAIN MARVEL!
• 50,000 feet up and only on one of them can fly …
• Is the World’s Greatest Super Hero Ready for a ride with Earth’s Mightiest Hero?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

On my tumblr, I noted that this title seems to be the second coming of Marvel Team-Up, and that is fine and dandy with me, as long as people like Kelly Sue DeConnick, Kathryn Immonen, Stuart Immonen, Mark Waid, and Greg Rucka are doing the comics.

VENOM #20 & 21
CULLEN BUNN & RICK REMENDER (w) • LAN MEDINA (a)
Covers by MICHAEL DEL MUNDO (#20) & TONY MOORE (#21)
• Toxin vs. Venom! Flash Thompson’s Last Stand! The Crime-Master Triumphant! – It’s the
Savage Six Finale the comics world will be talking about!
• CRIME MASTER’S IDENTITY IS REVEALED – and Flash Thompson and Betty Brant’s lives will
never be the same!
32 PGS. (EACH)/Rated T+ …$2.99 (EACH)

Rick Remender is a quality dude for straight-up inventive action, and Cullen Bunn is also good. But seriously, Crime Master? That’s like calling yourself Mister Villain, God of Doing Bad Things, or Guy Who Is Very Good At Numerous Varieties Of Social Malfeasance.

John Carter is finishing up, and it is Sam Humphries, so it is probably good.

Dark Tower is Dark Tower, so I could give a fuck.

CAPTAIN AMERICA #14
ED BRUBAKER (w) • PATRICK ZIRCHER (a&C)
• CAP MUST GRAPPLE WITH THE REALITY OF THE NEW SCOURGE’S TRUE IDENTITY!
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

CAPTAIN AMERICA #15
ED BRUBAKER & CULLEN BUNN (w) • SCOT EATON (a)
cover by STEVE EPTING
“NEW WORLD ORDERS”
• Still reeling from Hydra’s Madbombs, Cap finds himself the target of a vicious media smear campaign.
• Who are the Discordians and what will they blow up next…?
• Brought to you by Eisner award winner Ed Brubaker & Cullen Bunn (FEAR ITSELF: THE FEARLESS; CAPTAIN AMERICA & HAWKEYE) with superstar artist Scot Eaton (SECRET AVENGERS).
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

Damn, Cullen Bunn is all over, isn’t he? Venom, Wolverine, Cap, Cap and Hawkeye, Cap and Iron Man, Probably Something I’m Forgetting. The dude is seriously on his way up.

WINTER SOLDIER #8
ED BRUBAKER (w) • MICHAEL LARK (a)
Cover by STEVE EPTING
• Bucky vs. Black Widow
• Old enemies resurfacing with new codenames.
• And nothing will ever be the same.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

Is it weird that nothing about this really hooks me? I like Brubaker just fine, but the idea of Bucky having a series where he just runs around killing commies and having espionage-y action just doesn’t hit me where it probably should.

CAPTAIN AMERICA AND IRON MAN #634
CULLEN BUNN (w) • BARRY KITSON (a)
Cover by KALMAN ANDRASOFSZKY
• Madripoor is in chaos (more-so than usual) as technology goes berserk!
• Captain America and Tony Stark fight their way through the city – and through Batroc’s Brigade – in search of the villains behind the disaster!
• In a world of assassins and super-spies, on which side does the elusive woman known as Kash fall?
32 PGS./Rated T …$2.99

BATROC! AA-AAAAH! HE’LL IMPROVE ALL THE COMIC BOOKS! BATROC! AA-AAAH! HE’S FREAKING AWESOME!

BAAAAARRY KIIIIITSON’S COOOL TOO!

DUMDUMDUDDULYDUMDUM-I-ALREADY-TALKED-ABOUT-CULLEN-BUNN-BUT-THE-POINT-REMAINS-I-LIKE-THE-DUDE’S-WORK-DUMDUMDUDDULYDUMDUM

INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #520
MATT FRACTION (w) • SALVADOR LARROCA (a&C)
• Stark. The Mandarin. FACE TO FACE at last.
• What is the future of Resilient? Who lives? Who dies? How can Tony save his people, save the world, and save himself at the same time…?
• LONG WAY DOWN ends…
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

“Well, Stark, I’m here to come face to face with YOU…”

“WHAT!”

“about the future of…”

“WHAT!”

“THIS BUSINESS!”

What I’m getting at here is that this comic is not interesting to me on any level other than the fact that Mandarin here kind of resembles Triple H, and that I wish every pause in comics was interrupted by a WHAT chant, just to tick Bendis off. Anyway, did you guys read that Iron Man annual with Mandarin as Kim-Jong-Il kidnapping a director to make his memoir? That was good.

INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #521
MATT FRACTION (w) • SALVADOR LARROCA (a&C)
• THE FUTURE begins here:
• A prisoner of MANDARIN CITY!
• Can Rescue, IM2.0, and War Machine team up and not kill one another while Tony Stark builds the Mandarin’s ultimate weapon?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

So now Iron Man 2.0 and War Machine are different. Huh.

JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY #641
Kieron Gillen (w) • RICHARD ELSON (a)
Cover by STEPHANIE HANS
• Loki brings peace to the Otherworld. But is it a peace that anyone can live with?
• The secret origin of the Manchester Gods revealed.
• And what did Hela want the Holy Grail for?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

She wanted to get Holy Crunk.

THE MIGHTY THOR #17
MATT FRACTION (w) • PEPE LARRAZ (a)
CoverS by WALT SIMONSON
• Enchantress and her Keep run riot…and no one stirs to stop them!
• And if that’s not enough…who dares stop the Deconsecrator!
• How can the Nine Realms escape a nightmare with no end?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

Yay, Walt Simonson cover!

Boo, not Walt Simonson on interiors!

Meh, Matt Fraction!

Oh, and the plot of this seems to be that everyone is asleep. Cool nightmare imagery awaits.

HULK #55
JEFF PARKER (w) • DALE EAGLESHAM (a&C)
• The hands of the doomsday clock race towards MAYAN RULE!!!
• Former Avengers arrive to help stop the end of the world as more Mayan gods return.
• Rick “A-Bomb” Jones falls in battle!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

Oh shit, Rick Jones is seemingly dead. How will we ever get by without Rick Jones. Boo hoo.

INCREDIBLE HULK #11
JASON AARON (w) • RENATO GUEDES (a)
Cover by CHRISTIAN NAUCK• Banner continues to torment the Hulk as the STAY ANGRY arc continues!
• A lost city of Sasquatches!
• Featuring the world’s deadliest hunter, Kraven!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99

J. Caleb Mozzocco said it better, but in short: Lost city of sasquatches? Cool. 4 bucks for 32 pages and a dull cover like that? Not cool. Like, at all.

FANTASTIC FOUR #608
JONATHAN HICKMAN (w) • GIUSEPPE CAMUNCOLI (a)
Cover by FRANK CHO
“ASUNDER”
• The Nation of Wakanda is set on a path that will forever change its role in the Marvel Universe.
• The Panther God chooses the fate of T’Challa.
• Who will be the Black Panther?
32 PGS./Rated T …$2.99

Honestly, nothing says Fantastic 4 less than “political intrigue featuring Black Panther and no mention of any member of the Fantastic 4,” except maybe “paint drying” or “grass slowly growing”. But who knows? It’s Hickman, and he makes things mad interesting that, when stripped to their base components, don’t seem all that interesting.

FANTASTIC FOUR ANNUAL #33
ALAN DAVIS (w) • ALAN DAVIS (a&C)
VARIANT COVER BY ALAN DAVIS
• The Thing and The Human Torch investigate a mysterious magical paradox in space and time with the help of Doctor Strange!
• What dark secrets haunt the history of the ClanDestine?
• Legendary comics creator Alan Davis kicks off a series of ClanDestine adventures, continuing in Daredevil Annual #1 in August!
48 PGS./Rated T+ …$4.99

I stand corrected. Nothing says Fantastic 4 less than “ClanDestine”. Maybe it’s a backup story, and the Fantastic 4 story here is the main focus, but seriously. Is there some sort of ClanDestine rerelease they’re trying to hype here, or some sort of ClanDestine movie? Because I see no other reason for this. Also, it’s leaking into Daredevil. So I am a little angry that my beloved Daredevil is being invaded by other, non-Mark Waid writers(and yes, Rucka is cowriting the Omega Effect issue of DD, but at least Waid is half the writing team.) Well, that’s one more issue of DD I’m not going to read(#8 I didn’t read, because I don’t follow Amazing. I have higher hopes for the DD issue of the Omega Effect because of reasons, and because that cover makes my jaw drop.).

FF #20
JONATHAN HICKMAN (w) • NICK DRAGOTTA (a&C)
Cover by MIKE CHOI
“THE LIGHT BRIGADE”
• A closer look at the Universal Inhuman supergroup.
• See what happens when they are called home to Attilan.
• Witness the shocking events of what happened when
Black Bolt caught the new Supreme Intelligence.
32 PGS./Rated T …$2.99

Man, it says Dragotta on art and cover, but that cover is not Nick Dragotta. Get your shit together.

CAPTAIN MARVEL #1
KELLY SUE DeCONNICK (w) • DEXTER SOY (a)
Cover by ED MCGUINNESS
VARIANT COVER BY ADI GRANOV
ASM 50th Anniversary Variant by Paolo Rivera

• SHE’S BACK! The “Mightiest” of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes!
• Ace pilot. Legendary Avenger. 100% pure bad-a$$.
• Carol Danvers has a new name, a new mission …and all the power she needs to make her life a living hell.
• Guest starring Captain America.
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

A: Captain Marvel, at least the Marvel Comics version, is not a thing I have cared about since pretty much ever, excepting the Monica Rambeau of Nextwave.

B: The interior art previews looked bad. Way bad.

C: It is just adorable that they put dollar signs instead of the s-es in ass.

DAREDEVIL #15
MARK WAID (w) • CHRIS SAMNEE (a)
Cover by PAOLO RIVERA
• Daredevil suffers his greatest loss ever – and that’s just the start of the story!
• Alone and helpless, Daredevil is hunted in Latveria!
• Meanwhile the law firm of Nelson & Murdock undergoes a drastic change!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

Daredevil is the best. Chris Samnee is awesome. Mark Waid is one of the reasons I love Wally West as the Flash. With their powers combined, they are the best.

INFERNAL MAN-THING #2 (OF 3)
STEVE GERBER (w) • KEVIN NOWLAN (a)
Cover by ART ADAMS
• Steve Gerber’s last untold MAN-THING epic continues!!!
• Also featuring part two of the classic “Song Cry of a Dead Man”
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

Steve Gerber is Steve Gerber, Kevin Nowlan is Kevin Nowlan, and Art Adams is Art Adams. I trust I need say no more.

MARVEL ZOMBIES DESTROY #5 (of 5)
PETER DAVID (w) • MIRCO PIERFEDERICI (a)
Cover by MICHAEL DEL MUNDO
• NON-STOP, NO HOLDS BARRED, FISTS FLAILING, FEATHERS FLYING FINALE THAT WILL LEAVE JAWS
ON THE FLOOR!
• ZOMBIE GODS, ZOMBIE NAZIS, ZOMBIE DOPPLEGANGERS!
• The remains of the Ducky Dozen in their final conflict with the zombie Reich. Who will live, who will die, who will… UNdie? THE CANNOT BE MISSED ZOMBIE BOOK!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99

There’s a concept called “Trying Too Hard”. This is the definition of it. Enough said? Enough said.

THE PUNISHER #13
GREG RUCKA (w) • MARCO CHECCHETTO (a&C)
• Fight or Flight continues!
• A friend switches sides.
• Cole becomes the hunted!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

In a recent 4chan thread, the point was brought up that this new version of The Punisher looks a lot like Naked Snake from Metal Gear Solid 3. That’s pretty much all I have to say about this. Well, apart from the statement that I prefer my Punisher stories more pulpy and/or silly, or more in the vein of Ennis’ MAX. If you’re doing a more street-level Punisher under the publishing guidelines of the main MU, it’s like a made-for-TV Death Wish movie.

SPACE PUNISHER #1 (of 4)
FRANK TIERI (w) • MARK TEXEIRA (a&C)
• Punishment is a dish best served-in Space!
• Frank Castle shoots his way through the criminal hierarchy of outer space
starting with the Sym-Brood-ant Queen!
• From Frank Tieri, writer of Marvel vs. Capcom and Punisher: Noir and gorgeously painted by
Mark Texeira (Punisher War Journal, Ghost Rider).
32 PGS./PARENTAL ADVISORY…$3.99

See, this is what I mean by more pulpy. This seems like the type of thing you’d buy off a magazine rack in the mid-40s for like a nickel, down to the cover art. If only they had picked a title more… not embarrasingly boilerplate? “Space Punisher”? Really, not “Punisher: International Death Station”? Not “Punisher: National Assationation and Space Association”? Not “Punisher: In Space No One Can Hear You Die”? Not pretty much anything that showed a hint of personality? Actually, I bet “In Space, Nobody Can Hear You Die” is already the name of a Punisher story, probably by Mike Baron. Also, “Punishment Is A Dish Best Served… In Space”? Totally would have made a better title than “Space Punisher”, rock stupid though it may be.

Also, the guy doing that Space Punisher comic? Also doing the Ultimate Spider-Man tie-in comic. Go figure.

Marvel Universe AVENGERS: EARTH’S MIGHTIEST HEROES #4
CHRISTOPHER YOST (w)
CHRIS JONES & RAMON BACHS (a)
Cover by Khoi Pham
• The writer of the hit Disney XD series brings the Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes from the TV to your home!
• It’s the Heavyweight Championship of the Universe as The Hulk takes on the Thing!
• Next, it’s science-fiction at it’s finest, as Ant-Man enters the Microverse!
32 PGS./All Ages …$2.99

“HULK WANT TO GO TO PROM WITH BETTY, BUT HULK NO CAN DANCE! ROCK MAN, HELP HULK LEARN DANCE, SO HULK CAN GET SOME!”

“WELL, YA BIG MAGILLA, A COURSE I’LL HELP YA LEARN SOME MOVES! FIRST UP, THE FOX TROT!’

Also, a 4-issue Muppets series by Roger Langridge. That is a good proposition.

X-TREME X-MEN #1
GREG PAK (w) • STEPHEN SEGOVIA (a)
Cover by JULIAN TOTINO TEDESCO
Variant cover by Salvador Larroca• Spinning out of the pages of ASTONISHING X-MEN!
• Travel the multiverse with Captain Howlett, Kid Nightcrawler, and Emmeline Frost
• Which X-Men will be lost between dimensions…with no guaranteed way home?
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

When did we stop using X-puns in titles? X-Cutioner’s Song, X-Treme X-Men, Adam X the X-treme, X-Statix(actually, that might legitimately have been the last egregious X-pun for a while).

More importantly, why did we start again?

AGE OF APOCALYPSE #5
DAVE LAPHAM (w) • DAVIDE GIANFELICE (a)
Cover by HUMBERTO RAMOS
• Jean Grey goes on her first mission with the X-Terminated. Will she survive it?
• Meet the Quentin Quire of the AGE OF APOCALYPSE for the first time and find out why so
many fear him!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

This is certainly a comic book. It’s not a comic book with Kyle Baker that uses one of my favorite characters in a universe that allows both dudes to go as far as they can go, unfettered by continuity. Oh, look. Another X-pun. Seems those are back.

ASTONISHING X-MEN #52
MARJORIE LIU (w) • MIKE PERKINS (a)
Cover by DUSTIN WEAVER• The explosive aftermath to the year’s most talked about event!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

… Explosive aftermath. Well played, copywriters, well played. Clappety-clap-clap.

X-MEN #32
BRIAN WOOD (w) • DAVID LOPEZ (a)
Cover by JORGE MOLINA• Learn the secret origin of the proto-mutants
• How long can Storm keep Cyclops from taking control of her team?
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

Dawwww, someone stuck a wittle baby head on Cowossus! Who’s a wittle fowce of destwuction? You are, you are!

X-MEN LEGACY #271
Christos Gage (W) • RAFA SANDOVAL (A)
Cover by SALVADOR ESPIN
• Cut off from the world she knows, Rogue struggles to survive in an alien landscape!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

… Is that the same cover from the X-Men Legacy 270 solicit? … Yes. Yes it is. Good job. Goooood job.

UNCANNY X-FORCE #27 & 28
RICK REMENDER (w)
Issue #27 – PHIL NOTO (a)
Issue #28 – JULIAN TOTINO TEDESCO (a)
CoverS by JEROME OPEÑA
• X-Force land themselves somewhere you’ve never seen them.
• A new member joins the team!
• Rising star Julian Totino Tedesco (VENOM: CIRCLE OF FOUR, JOHN CARTER GODS OF MARS covers) joins the best creative team in comics for two issues!
32 PGS.(EACH)/Parental Advisory …$3.99 (EACH)

Phil Noto is awesome, and Rick Remender is awesome. Uncanny X-Force rules.

NEW MUTANTS #45 & 46
DAN ABNETT & ANDY LANNING (w)
LEANDRO FERNANDEZ (a)
CoverS by JOHN TYLER CHRISTOPHER
• Cannonball and Karma return! But why are they suddenly many years older? And what’s up with the Warlock tech they’re wearing?
• It continues here: the climax of all the sinister seeds that DnA have been planting…in “Fear The Future”!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

John, why you gotta make it so hard to defend you? This is just plain lazy.

X-FACTOR #239 & 240
PETER DAVID (w)
Issue #239 PAUL DAVIDSON (a) Issue #240 LEONARD KIRK (a)
CoverS by DAVID YARDINIssue #239
• Banshee versus…an actual banshee?!
• Strong Guy asks M out on a date. (Yikes!)
Issue #240
“RUN LAYLA RUN”
• A one-off issue featuring Layla Miller racing the clock.
32 PGS. (EACH)/Rated T+ …$2.99 (EACH)

If you like X-Factor, you’ll probably like this.

WOLVERINE #309
IVAN BRANDON (w) • RAFAEL ALBUQUERQUE & JASON LATOUR (a)
Cover by ESAD RIBIC
• An untold tale of the Wolverine!
• Wolverine takes Elixir under his wing
• After M-Day, not all depowered mutants found their way in the world,
and one of them comes back for Wolverine
40 PGS./Parental Advisory …$4.99

Forty pages for 5 bucks? Fuck.

Well, at least it’s not…

WOLVERINE #310
JEPH LOEB (w) • SIMONE BIANCHI (a&C)
Variant cover by ED McGuinness
Variant cover by Stephen Platt
Blank Cover Variant Also Available
• The long-awaited sequel to EVOLUTION
• How did Sabretooth survive his beheading all those years ago?
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99

This. Jeph Loeb is back, and bringing the story nobody demanded! Also, I don’t quite get the desire to have Simone Bianchi on interiors. His(? may be a her, but I do not know, and it is less awkward than using “their”) art is fine for covers, but on interiors it just gets really intricate in a way that all kind of blurs together and just makes it a chore to read.

These are the covers for Deadpool, and they just might be the only redeeming factor of the book. Daniel Way does not write a good Deadpool, and the artists he has usually fall along the generic side of Marvel’s jobber list. But good goddamn, does Dave Johnson draw a good picture.

I really love the cover here, it’s Andrews channeling Tim Bradstreet and making it his own.

FURY MAX #4
GARTH ENNIS (w) • GORAN PARLOV (a)
Cover by DAVE JOHNSON
• Great jumping on point as the next chapter begins here.
• It’s 1961 and Fury gets a new assignment: The Assassination of Fidel Castro!
32 PGS./Explicit Content …$3.99
THERE IS A STRICT NO OVERPRINT POLICY ON ALL MAX TITLES. PLEASE CHECK YOUR ORDERS AND PLACE THEM BY THE FOC.

God, Dave Johnson draws pretty. And if you didn’t know that Parlov and Ennis are the MAX dream team, get up on some Punisher MAX.

Icon has Bendis and Millar. If you like Bendis and Millar, you know these are coming out, and if you don’t, running these down would only serve to piss me off. So yeah, Bendis and Millar. Come and get it.

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What DC Comics Lurk In The Heart Of July 2012? I Know, Because I Have These Solicits, Let Me Show You Them

1 day, 85 or so issues, one somewhat annoyed guy! The Great Indoor Bitchfest begins here!

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